Do not judge me.

Don't judge me, don't look at me and condemn me with your eyes, your oh so subtle slights. For in judging me you are judging yourself, and by condemning me you are finding yourself wanting. I am no more, nor less than you, I do not judge you, I'll not find you wanting, for I have no right, yet you dare put that right over me?

You dare to look at me and think you know me, and what you know disgusts you, when what you know is only rumour? Gossip? And you -dare- to think that you are better than I, that you know what I am like, what I like, what is in my head, better than I do, and in that knowing, you are superior to me?

You may perhaps wonder what prompted this post? It's really quite simple, as all my rants tend to be. Mother dearest. You recall me mentioning that she had called the school and told my year team leader, explicit details of what I was like, what I liked? Teachers seldom know when to keep their trap shut, and this is a classic example of such, the majority of the teachers, people I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THEY ARE know me by name, greet me and I see that fucking look in their eyes. That they've judged me and found me wanting for being different from them, from what's 'normal'.

Understandably, I am a little bit annoyed.

It's like....you can tell you know? The way people look at you, then glance aside, the slight twitch of their features that they think they controlled, and most telling of all, how fast they vacated a room when I entered. What RIGHT do they have? By what high ideal can they point to and say with certainty, 'this is why i'm better than you?'.

*sighs*

You understand perhaps, why I say that I have next to no privacy? Mother dearest has told EVERYONE she knows that she's having problems with me, EVERY fucking person that knows me, through her, knows. And she wonders why I dislike her so? I mean, we were going fairly well, mainly because I have recalled how very much I have to hide from her, about what I honestly think and feel.

I had forgotten that I had to, when I spent two years with my dad, just me and him. And consequently, she exploded on finding out what I thought and felt....so now I just have to hide it again. Ah well, you get that. I hide from everyone, no one, not one person among you who read my blog, know -everything- about me, even though I have invited you into my mind via this.

There is one that knows quite alot, and that's mainly because he's as perceptive as me, but the rest of you are floundering. No offence, but you are. I let him into my head before any of you, but I'm still waiting for him to turn tail and run, flee in disgust. As I wait for you likewise to do.

Oh, and Xin, I have read them. They're quite good, in a couple. But I'm just saying what my Lit teacher says. I just like the guys writing, who gives a toss about what he's trying to hint at? But then, you're a religious person, I am not so...*shrugs* it's well enough.