Events

Alright, here’s what’s been happening so far in my life, a lot over less than 24 hours now that I think on it. This is prewritten on word by the way, for short and easy blogging when I manage to sneak a few minutes or whatever online, so excuse the lack of proper formatting.

I go to school, I post on my blog as you no doubt have noticed, and find out about…oh, fifteen minutes into the first period, that my year leader wants to see me. So I go and see her, mother dearest has spilled to her, told her all the ‘disgusting’ and ‘filthy’ things I do, that I like BDSM and all that. It’s fun, you should try it some time :P

I also find out, that a concerned friend of mine Xin, called another friend of mine who will remain unnamed, trying to find out where I lived. I can’t fault him for that, I mean, he was, is the only rl friend I’ve got that was actually worried about me, so worried that he was close to panicking. My other ‘friend’, his ex girlfriend, promptly told my year leader that she got a call at 6.30am and was worried about me. Lip service essentially.

I find all this out, from the year leader, while I’m just sitting there, numb, with the odd well… not so odd, tear escaping to trail down my cheek. Mother dearest also messaged my ‘friend’ to find out if I arrived at school okay. Of course, the school now knows that I’m suicidal, and they’re all concerned for me, the couple of people I told are surprised but concerned, after all, I don’t cry real often. But, comfort isn’t exactly what I want when I’m in the pits of depression you know? That numb, blank, black feeling and all you want is to be left alone? That’s what I wanted.

On gmail I spoke to another concerned friend, he’s over in mexico, and the first thing he said to me was ‘jesus woman you made me sweat! But goddess I’m glad you’re alive.’ That started my tears again, understandably. He started the lifting of my spirits, by threatening silly things, like if I was determined to stay sad, he’d spam me with pictures of fluffy rabbits and the like. Heh, my first smile of the day.

So I check my blog, I’m quite honestly surprised at how many replies I got, and how many people were so concerned from my leaving. It even went so far, that as mother dearest had taken my phone that one of my friends who understandably I suppose was almost mad with grief at the thought of me gone, gave her a death threat. ‘you kill my friends, I kill you’.

While I can understand his point of view and reaction but…mother dearest unfortunately cannot, so she sent the message to her phone and is threatening to get him locked up for intent to murder or whatever. I find this out when I get home, I got my ass chewed on my her bf who went ballistic, and then by –her- who didn’t really care for the threat you know? So, after having a horrid day, in which there were two high points, in the interhouse debating my team won, and on a lit essay I got 73% (previous scores around the 50 mark) but of course, they don’t know that, they don’t care do they?

It figures you know, -I- am the one depressed, the one that’s suicidal, and what does she do? Punish me for it. I’m no longer part of her family, figures eh? I have to walk or ride everywhere, to work and back again. Guess I’ll be biking back here tonight at what, 11pm? Yay, I think I’ll pack a torch to see by.

She said that I’ll be treated like this, excluded from the family and the like, until I give her a heartfelt apology, right. Apologise for what? For being me? For her snooping into my fucking life? What’s in my head is –my- territory, she’s got no right to ‘moderate’ what’s in there.

I don't let -anyone- in there you know? it's my head, you can piss the fuck off.

But I'm in a better mood now anyways, so yeah.