Weakness.

Yes, I'm weak.

I'm still alive. Isn't that stupid? I'm too weak to even walk down the path I set before myself. You know what stopped me? You.

Each and every one of you. The thought of how much you would be hurt, the repercussions of my leaving. I don't want to start a chain reaction of people leaving, that's not what I wanted.

So, now I live not for myself, but for others. And then, for only long enough to ensure that you no longer care for me, so that when I leave, you will not be hurt.

You know what's ironic? Psychologists and the like say that wanting to leave, is a cry for attention and not usually 'real'. But I -hate- the attention, the fuss that is the result of me admitting that I want to leave, asap. Why can't they just leave me alone?

It's nice you know, to ...have some affirmation that you're loved. But I don't want to hurt people. Which is why this is being posted up, because I don't want to hurt people. I'm a coward, I'm weak, weakened by my care for you, my love for others.

As said, I live not for myself, but for others, and only long enough to ensure that you do not care for me any longer.

This school is too nosey, the year leader person, head of my year, is worried about me as well. I don't care, why can't you just leave me alone? Let me vanish into the words, my studies, my books. That which I'm typing, why can you not leave me alone to vanish into my mind in peace? Why must you prod, poke and pry, condemn me with your eyes for that which I am, for my having no self-esteem, for the very things I enjoy because they give me the illusion of a value?

I am worthless, I know this, I've been told this repeatedly over the past few hours by the authority figures in my life. I'm worthless because I'm not keeping everything 'clean'. *sighs*

I hate this, this fuss, this bother, the concern. Why do you care? It's just a lie anyways, my entire life is built on a lie, that is all that I know, all I can do, all that I've ever known, is a lie. I hate myself, and you should too.

Fucking mother.

Great, just fucking great.

Mother dearest is reading through my fucking messages on my phone, isn't it absolutely -wonderful- to have no fucking privacy? News flash mother! I'M A TEENAGER AND I DO HAVE HORMONES!

She wants me to be the perfect little innocent child I was, the one that doesn't know anything about fucking boys, doesn't want anything to do with them or ...you know. Consequently, she wants me to be as pure as a fucking six year old, her 'baby'.

I FUCKING HATE HER! I don't care what anyone says, I've had it. I hate her i hate her i hate her i hate her i hate her i hate her i hate her. I HATE HER.

Now she's yelling at me. great. Isn't this fan-bloody-fucking-tastic? This is it, the final fucking straw.

Confiscating my phone, reading my messages, invading my FUCKING PRIVACY. Fine. I'm gone. From her life, from all your lives. Sorry if this hurts any of you, but this is what I have to do.

I have to. Don't you see? I can't fucking stand this any more.

Sorry for not telling you sooner, all of you, but I love you. There should be more love in the world. More joy.

I'm sorry for the sadness I'm no doubt causing, but I can't deal with this, not any more. I give up, she's won.

Goodbye.

Religion

My RE (religious education) teacher is awesome. Like, literally. She's not a bible basher, but rather an RE teacher that teaches us to -think- rather than indoctrinate us into what we 'are' going to believe. It's wonderful, that I can do an assignment for that subject, and I don't have to worry about what I'm typing, who I'll offend nor have to censor my words and be careful as to what I type, the meaning behind my words.

It's a relief you know, to be able to poke such fun at the religious theories of the world, since I was comparing Hinduism and Catholicism, and being an Aethiest, I could and did, objectively view both religions, compare one to the other and state the pro's and con's of both. It's rather sweet you know? Since she actively encourages me to say what I think in my essays, and it's a releif to not have to worry about the level of language needed too. It's a nice easy subject, much easier than lit or history, essay wise, and human biol doesn't require essay writing.

Ah well, and that's about the sum of my thoughts for today, given that I'm cold, I'm over studying and exams are in two weeks, and I'm a little bit brain drained.

Reminiscence; cat-o'-nine-tails

Three days later, and I'm still in a lovely little glow from getting to speak with one of my loves, this happy little moment in time... bask in my happiness, for it will not last.

I'll give it about...oh, three days or so, and then mother dearest will do something, say something that will just throw my quiet little joy out the window. Figures eh? I mean, it's what she always does isn't it?

But! I've found something that heightens my little joy into something greater, jealousy. Oh no, not mine, others. It amazes me, at how many people who know me, are, or would be jealous. It's cute you know? I mean, one of those I told about my loves, I didn't think he really cared all that much about me, or anything, and yet he admitted to being jealous, after I prodded him about it. After all, he was fairly seething and green with it. It's so cute! Another friend of mine, he's got a girlfriend and even though he likes me, I know I'm second choice and always will be so it's no biggie, but even -he- was jealous!

Yeah, I know, I'm bragging. But how often does one girl have the loving adoration of one man, let alone two? And these two are neatly making all the other male friends of my aquaintance (even some of the female because they're so sweet) jealous! Even though they won't admit it, the pair of them are Players, you know, the sort of people that tend to break hearts? You ask what I have to base this on? They've admitted to me, on separate occasions, on saying things just for the reaction. After wading my way through their ego's (took a while, let me tell you) to actually the real person behind the bluff, it's...well, they're sweeter than candy. So, here you have a girl, finishing her final year in school with a player's heart in the palm of her hand, and not just one either, nooo...but two. One in each hand, cherished, held close, treasured all the more for the gift that they are.

Oh, and they wouldn't -dream- of trying to break my heart, it would have the unfortunate repercussion of shattering their own, since neither can bear to see me cry, or sad. *hums happily* I feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Okay, that's enough of being mushy, let's get onto something more gruesome. Here are some common phrazes to dissect.

'Dont let the cat out of the bag'- from British ships, the cat-o'-nine-tails was kept in a burlap sack on board, someplace public as a threat and reminder of the consequences of misbehaviour.

'cat got your tongue?'- the pain of being flayed by a cat-o'-nine-tails was so great that when you drew in your breath to scream, you physically couldn't. Literally.

'Not enough room to swing a cat'- from the actual style of how you use the cat-o'-nine-tails. You had to swing it over your head swiftly in a circle to build up momentum before flaying the unfortunates back. Because the 'cat' was such a large whip, flaying habitually occured outside, indoors and you're liable to damage the walls.

'i'll scratch your back, if you'll scratch mine'- also applicable to the cat, there was the option of having a friend or relative flay the unfortunate, and them in turn be flayed. So it goes that 'i'll go easy on you, if you'll go easy on me'. How you can be gentle while flaying someone with that whip is beyond me, but there you have it.

Now, some of you have next to no idea about what a cat-o'-nine-tails is. It's obviously a whip, but it's a particularly nasty one. Nine 'tails', nine strips of leather about a metre and a half, to two metres long (4-6.5 feet or so) attached to a wood and leather handle. Not so bad you think? It's only 9 strips of leather landing on the flesh of my back right? Wrong. For what made the cat such a malicious and effective whip as that on the ends of those strips of leather, there were bits of iron/steel.

However, they did not have to be balls of metal, though they did more than enough damage, no they could be triangular barb-like structures that literally bit in and then tore the flesh from your back.

Lovely form of punishment, isn't it? Now, perhaps you'll understand why the phrases I put forward earlier are still so binding now, and why the 'cat' could, and did, literally steal your tongue.

Aren't I just a goldmine of useless, and downright -disturbing- information?

The Raven; love

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,

Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore

While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,

As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.

‘Tis some visitor,’ I muttered, ‘tapping at my chamber door;

Only this and nothing more.’

Ah, distinctly I remember, it was in the bleak December,

And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.

Eagerly I wished the morrow; vainly I had sought to borrow

From my books surcease of sorrow, sorrow for the lost Lenore,

For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore.

Nameless here forevermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain

Thrilled me—filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;

So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating,

‘Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door,

Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door.

This it is, and nothing more.’

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,

‘Sir,’ said I ‘or madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;

But the fact is, I was napping, and so gently you came rapping

And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,

That I scarce was sure I heard you.’ Here I opened wide the door—

Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into the darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing

Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals dared to dream before;

But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token

And the only sound there spoken was the whispered word,

‘Lenore?’ this I whispered and an echo murmured back the word ‘Lenore!’

Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,

Soon again I heard a tapping, something louder than before,

‘Surely,’ said I, ‘surely, that is something at my window lattice,

Let me see then, what thereat it, and this mystery explore

Let my heart be still a moment, and this mystery explore.

Tis the wind, and nothing more.’

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter

In there stepped a stately raven, of the saintly days of yore.

Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;

But with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door.

Perched upon a bust of Pallas, just above my chamber door.

Perched and sat, nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,

By this grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,

‘Thou thy crest be shorn and shaven thou,’ said I, ‘art sure no craven,

Ghastly, grim, and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore.

Tell me what the lordly name is on the Nights Plutonian shore.’

Quoth the raven, ‘Nevermore.’

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,

Though its answer little meaning to relevancy bore,

For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being

Ever yet was blessed with seeing a bird above his chamber door,

Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door,

With such a name as ‘Nevermore’.

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,

‘Doubtless,’ said I, ‘What it utters is its only stock and store

Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster

Followed fast and followed faster, till his songs one burden bore;

Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore

Of ‘Never—nevermore.’

I quite like it, don't you? But then, I'm a lass that adores Edgar Allen Poe, probably because I love horror, or thrillers, and all such things stem from Poe. Literally, you can find inspiration for ANY horror movie from something that Poe wrote if you go back far enough. It's fascinating no?

Love...such a bittersweet emotion. A very, very dear friend of mine, the first guy I actually felt comfortable with admitting that I loved him actually, contact me today. I'm torn between joy, as happy as anyone can be, that I can talk to him, catch up with him...and the blackest, darkest pits of despair because I know that this is only a brief interaction, and either I'll have to leave, or he will and our few precious, precious moments in time, will be over all to soon and all I'll have to hold will be the bittersweet memories.

Memories so sweet, so painful, yet all the more treasured.

We have a history you see, me and him. He was harmed, his heart shattered by women, and as a result he didn't trust us. I found him, and mended his heart. He tells me that the part of his heart that I occupy, is the space that will never break. You wonder why I love him so?

But, it's not just him that I adore, there's a friend of his. You'll remember, if you scroll down my blogs, to one of the ones in April, the poem? My friend who suicided, and missed? He, I love as much. So much that it hurts. How can a heart love with equal intensity, two different men? It hurts to love so...yet I wouldn't not want to know them for the world.

My samurai, my knight, my loves. How I miss you...

Freo; ghosts and sleep.

Alright, giving you guys something of decent length to read for once :D

Last night I had a lit excursion thing to do with the book that we are reading Cloudstreet by Tim Winton, an aussie set and written story, alright I guess, I mainly liked the slang side of things. Anyways, it went from 3.30pm til ...9.15pm or so, and I am -tired- as. It was pretty good actually, we dropped by a couple of old houses, to look at them and then we went to Cicerellos for dinner (Fish and chips...yay, seafood is -so- not my thing). From there, a couple of photographs later, we were at the Fremantle Prison.

It's a rather infamous prison actually, if you're Aussie that is, you'll have heard of Moondyne Joe? The aussie Hiudini, litterally. He was in there, they had this special cell crafted for him, three foot (one metre) by five foot (Just over one and a half) out of solid jarra wood, there are numerous nails driven into the wood so that he couldn't scratch through it, and they had him bolted to the floor. This was the guy that was repeatedly captured, imprisoned and then repeatedly escaped. Fremantle was the last place he was held before they finally managed to execute him, in that self-same cell. He escaped once before, from that cell you know.

They took him outside, after a doctor said it was inhumane to treat a person so, and they set him to breaking rocks with a hammer. After a couple of weeks, the guards stopped taking the broken rocks away and he started piling them up infront of him until the guards could no longer see him. All well and good, they could still hear him chipping at those rocks right? Wrong, he was working on the wall instead. Yes, chipped a hole in the wall and crawled to freedome!

But that's enough about Joe.

We took the torchlight tour, which means that we each get widdle torches and get a tour, at night, around the prison, a prison I'll have you know, that is undeniably haunted. Everyone says so, the tour guides, psychics, you name it. As we were walking through, I was the backstop which meant that I got to be last through every door and shut the open ones behind me yay! It was awesome.

Course, me being me, I'm ...shall we say, sensitive to the paranormal. I know for a fact, that we were watched the entire tour from the second floor balcony by convicts (it's only open for tourism), and when there was no balcony, we were followed. I kept on seeing the silhouette of a fairly tall man, slightly heavy set, following us. That was fine, I mean, I'm used to that sort of thing you know? And what's so scary about being followed?

But, the rest of my class, being teenaged girls, didn't believe me and got overly freaked by the whole atmosphere. -I- only got freaked myself, when I entered the cell of one of the inmates. He had a specialised cell of his own, where everything, beds, chairs, whatever, had to be bolted to the floor otherwise he would use them as weapons against the guards. Nice bloke eh? Well, I was stickybeaking in his cell, for the simple reason that on the back wall, opposite of the door, was this absolutely awesome painting, I rather liked the painting. So there I was, stepping into his cell, and looking at this painting. I swear to you, I tell no lie, but not two minutes after stepping in, I felt something to my right, I ignored it, I mean, it was just the bed. I wasn't freaked until I heard a whisper in my right ear, a sibilant hiss holding the words

"Will you stay and keep my company?"

Now I did what any sane, normal girl would do...I froze, shook my head and said "Uh..no thanks, I have to go now." before all but bolting from the cell. I mean, he was a very VIOLENT criminal, exceptionally so and for a maximum security prison, that's saying something!

Water dripping, footsteps, people- convicts, inmates watching us as we went through the prison, glowing orbs of light...yeah, no problem. I can deal with that, I mean, it wasn't personal you know? But -that-, that little episode sent shivers down my spine.

But, I reccomend it actually, for everyone to go and experience the Fremantle Prison Torchlight tour. You might experience something paranormal and exciting like I did. :D

Oh, and sleeping. Ironically, once I got home after the tour, at around 10.30pm, I did my before bed stuff, you know, showering etc, and when my head hit that pillow I was out like a light, literally. Haven't slept so well in years...except that I had to wake up to deal with a little issue. *coughs* female problem and I'll leave it at that.

And so, I bid you adieu, enjoy the first decent sized post in ....well, a month or so.

Update!

updateupdateupdate update!

-Really- sorry for not popping anything up any sooner, but what with study and the bulldozers deciding that our phoneline was in the wrong spot and shifted it. Fuuun.

I've been like, not sleepign very well. I'm not sure which is worse, losing sleep from complete dreams that make -some- sense, losing sleep from bits of dreams, or losing sleep just from an inability TO sleep.

*sighs* well, things have gotten better I suppose, well enough indeed. It's boring being silent when no one cares.

Silence.

Silent as a grave, silent as a sunken ship, silent as a scream underwater.

From silence we came, and hence silence I return.


Why, you may ask? That's quite simple to explain really. I am sick and tired of having to talk to people, explaining and re-explaining the same thing, over and over again, without making any actual headway. It's...understandably annoying yes?

It also seems to me, that whenever I open my mouth, either virtually or in real life, I land in it. So, I have quite simply resolved to say as little as I can, save the rest of the world the strife hmm? Wouldn't that be lovely, people wouldn't see my words, and if I make a mistake, they don't jump down my throat for the mistake. And misconstrue my words, my meaning, and perhaps, then, I wouldn't get quite so pissed off at the world quite so frequently.

But, that is all on the side notes, and in the words of William Wordsworth
But tis done, all words are idle
words from me are vainer still,


And so, I bid you adieu, text, msn, calling. I'll not talk unless I need to, and even then as sparingly as I can. How long, I wonder how long until someone notices that I am not talking as much?

Panic! Schoolwork

Well, I've got a bit of a headache and a rather large burden to shoulder. But hey, you get that in your final year of highschool. Year 12.

I'm failing. Literally.

44% average in math

54% in history <-- I thought I was in the 70's

58% in human biology. <-- I thought i was in the 60's

And if I'm passing english lit I'll be -very- surprised. I've got the worst teacher for it, I hate him. And because I do other work while people from my class are doing their orals and things that -they- worked for, things that are still to do with the bloody subject, he hates me.

I don't know what to do, honestly. I mean, I'm trying my hardest but it's just not fucking good enough! Do you know how that feels? When the only thing you enjoy doing as a hobby, doesn't go to the final mark you need, and so when you say to someone that you're improving in that area, they say 'so what? It doesn't contribute to your TER so it doesn't matter.' It matters to -me-, aren't I allowed to have SOMETHING fun in my life?

Oh and another thing, my lit teacher doesn't believe me when I say that I don't have enough time to hand in an oral, which was a team effort, on MONDAY when I'm working all weekend. And I don't say 'all' lightly. 10.30am til 4pm on saturday, 12pm til 9pm on sunday! (that's 1030-1600, and 1200-2100 respectively) I've got exams in four weeks, I'm FAILING most of my fucking classes and no one seems to care or understand!

Parents; You spend too much time on the internet chatting, you should give it up and focus more on your school work.

Teachers; you spend too much time socialising, you should spend more time on schoolwork. <-- they don't believe me when I say that I HAVE NO LIFE.

I go to school. I study, I learn, I come home. I try to relax, I study, I do homework, I go to bed. I wake, repeat unless it's the weekend in which case it's get up, get dressed, go to work. Work all day, come home, relax for an hour MAYBE, start schoolwork, weekend assignments etc.

I'm getting maybe TWO NIGHTS a week in which I can relax, or I do relax, completely, and talk to people on the internet. TWO NIGHTS, oh yay, go the grand total of fucking six hours, at the MOST.

I can't do this any more, I CAN'T. I quit, I fail, I vanish from existence.

Of course, mother dearest is making noises about me -repeating- year 12. I'm like, great, but there's no way I'm doing it here. Not unless you sack my lit teacher. I'm good at english, I love it, I'm a good writer, yet -he- fails me because the way I interpret the text is not the way -he- interpreted it.

I've had it. This is my mental breakdown. I'll start spazzing out in a second, it's not like I haven't had pressure on me or anything, noooooo. 'You need A's to be a doctor' okay, sure, fair enough. 'you need A's or else I'm cutting off the net' yeah. that helps me alot as though this being my final year, the HARDEST year of my academic LIFE wasn't fucking enough!

Consequently, dear reader, and whoever else is stickybeaking and gloating over my fucked up life, I shall most likely -not- be talking to ANYONE on the net. Joy of joys. Mother dearest is blaming them for my grade downfall, great. So, I'll not talk to people, I'll become a reclusive hermit that hisses and hides from crowds for my studying. Whether my grades pick up or not is another story, but that's what'll happen regardless.

You wanna contact me, email me. I'll get to it when I can at school, so go figure.

I've had it...I can't deal with school, with my grades, work AND my fucked up home life. Yet no one can understand this...why? What's wrong with me?

The murder

Red.

A red stain on the cobblestones.

Red, red spreading over the cobblestones, as red as her red, red lips.

~

She, Tsairenn, was the girl, the young lady, that everyone either wanted, or wanted to be. She had everything, or so the gossips said, looks, money, men begging for her favours. Her circle of friends, those that she trusted, adored her and would do anything that she desired, catered to her slightest whim in the hopes that her popularity, her charm would rub off on them.

Deep green eyes, the rich colour of oak leaves set behind sparkling, captivatingly long lashes. Curiously coloured hair, like all the shades the precious metal could be, gold, rose, white, shimmered together into Tsairenn’s thick coiled locks. A heart shaped face, with high cheek bones and an ever present, warm smile curving those red, red lips. A swan like neck, long, delicate, dainty, from her head to her shoulders and from then on her body is formed. Lithe, curved, soft; perfect.

To her suitors, she is a goddess, to her rivals, a porcelain doll but though they do not care for her, they still cannot fault her beauty. And it is her beauty that is her downfall.

One man she scorned when she shouldn’t have, one proposal she should have politely declined rather than accepted, and then rejected as though his heart, his feelings, were as nothing. Two men, both burned by her, and a lady, who she once thought was Tsairenns friend, a small knot of darkness under the glow of Tsairenn’s life.

Two men set the scene, broke the balustrade, cleared away the plants before vanishing into the night. One lady, beguiled the enchantress, leading her onto the landing. One girl, leaning against an unsteady rail suddenly trips on the hem of her skirt, the fabric torn and left behind, fear in her green eyes as she turns, desperate to reach out to something of safety, only to find that her companion was out of reach.

She wobbles, almost catching her balance before the broken balustrade gives way, cracking and dropping the two stories down onto the cobblestones, a loud, sharp CRACK splits the night air, but no one can hear over the music within. Multiple shades of gold, rose and white spin through the air, losing the pins as she windmills her arms, flailing, trying to keep her balance on uneasy heels.

One lady, leans forward, Tsairenn gets the light of hope in her eyes, only to have them return to a darker fear at the blade that appears in the lady’s hand, cutting a nick in the hem of the skirt, tearing it and dropping the little scrap of fabric on the balcony. A cold smile curves pale lips and a gloved hand gives the beauty a push, not much of one but enough to set her off balance and down.

Down, down, following the broken balustrade, those red, red lips open in a wail of fear and ignorance, “Why?”

The last word Tsairenn speaks before her head cracks on the cobblestones, cracks with much the same sound as the balustrade as it shattered. And there is a red stain on the cobblestones, a spreading red pool.

~

Blood.

Red blood on the cobblestones.

A red, red stain, a spreading pool of blood on the cobblestones.

As red as Tsairenns red, red lips open in the slackness of the wail, the final wondering why.

A whole new meaning to the word 'idiot'.

Xin, I'm sorry, but I just -had- to share this, it's classic and still gives me a laugh. If any of you reading my blog know how to play MUD's, MUSHes, etc, you'll know of Achaea? I sent Xin on towards it...bad idea. Like -really- bad idea, you'll see why. He's a particularly dense newbie...worse than most.

This is on msn by the ways.

Xin-san says: <-- Him, obviously.

Sleep well?

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:<-- Me

yep

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

oh, sorry, didn't really see you log in *hug* good morning

Xin-san says:

*hug* That's good. Still feel tired?

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

slightly

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

but that's alright

Xin-san says:

I hear you. I had a late night, still feeling the semi-delusional effects of it.

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

lol

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

what house is your char in?

Xin-san says:

Huh? I have a house?

Xin-san says:

Probably. Um, how do I find out?

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

you said you had joined a House

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

HWHO shows the people in it

Xin-san says:

Yoohoo?

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

yessum?

Xin-san says:

Er, did the messages get through?

Xin-san says:

Xin-san says:

Er... But ah.. how do I know what house I'm in?

Xin-san says:

PS: How do you do the "quick descrption of everything in the room" thing?

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

SCORE shows you what house you're in, and QL does the second

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

or IH which is INFO HERE

Xin-san says:

Oh no! I'm human!

Xin-san says:

How do I change races?

Xin-san says:

I am of the house of Hashan.

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

that's a city

Xin-san says:

Sightseer in the Fellowship of Explorers. What does that mean?

Xin-san says:

Riiiight...

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

you can reincarnate

Xin-san says:

So many big words, it's all so terrifying!

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

meaning you get someone to kill you, you go to the Flame of Yggrdrasil and REINCARNATE

Xin-san says:

I have no idea what my house is.

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

alright, your chars name's xinsama right?

Xin-san says:

Aye.

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

sec

Xin-san says:

Lol what curoius help files.

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

you're not in a House

Xin-san says:

Oh good.

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

you ought to be

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

then you can bug -them- about all this, instead of me

Xin-san says:

I know, but I recall thinking "Angela must decide for me! Egads!"

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

lol

Xin-san says:

How do I join a house? And what are the commands to speak and do actions? Ie. Say, Shout.

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

say (whatever) yell (whatever)

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

TELL (name) (whatever)

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

without the brackets

Xin-san says:

And how do I become a Rajamala instead of human? And remind me how to get to Minia? *puts on bright face*

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

HELP SAYS

Xin-san says:

Thankies. How do I join a house/become a rajamala?

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

to join a House go HOUSE LIST to get a list of the Houses, if you want to be a raja, get a friend to kill you and then rezz yourself in the Flame as a raja

Xin-san says:

Sweeet. Hey, come kill me please =D

Xin-san says:

Nah nevermind. I'll just stay down here... killing innocent butterflies...

Xin-san says:

Is there any stronger monster with potential loot in this dungeon?

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

lol

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

no, you -catch- butterflies

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

and i think you have found the...something area

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

they're major strong

Xin-san says:

Eh. i'm getting experience from killing them. Suits me find.

Xin-san says:

Fine

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

lol

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

for a newbie anyway

Xin-san says:

Hey I killed a kobold child!

Xin-san says:

I rock

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

that's them

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

get out of there, they get aggro

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

and go....east i think

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

until you reach a tower

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

and then kill hellcats

Xin-san says:

Aw shite. I just got hammered by a kobold miner. I felt really guilty for attacking him too.

Xin-san says:

I need things to kill!

Xin-san says:

Oh yeah now you tell me. Damn.

Xin-san says:

Okay, I'm dead. Uh... I'll figure out where to gof rom here.

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

*sigh*

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

PRAY FOR SALVATION

Xin-san says:

I just did.

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

good

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

and now you have to wait a bit

Xin-san says:

Yeah I gathered. Sorry for hassling you.

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

it's alright

Xin-san says:

Reading achea for too long is bad for you. Ahh there are stripes across evreything.

Xin-san says:

White text on black background = light distortion everything is in stripes egads

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

lol

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

rofl

Xin-san says:

A sigil is an emblem right?

Xin-san says:

Because now I'm outside the cave with nowhere to go.

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

okay

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

REJECT GRACE

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

and PORTALS

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

to get back to minia

Xin-san says:

Lol I just got that by myself. I'll leave you alone... Sorry.

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

rofl

Xin-san says:

That hellcat took 200 health of me. I heal by typing "Rest" or something right?

Xin-san says:

Seriously though, I need armour and weapons or something so I don't get shredded.

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

once they're dead

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

you can SLEEP

Xin-san says:

Neat! Thanks. But the armour/weapons?

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

you're newbie kicking?

Xin-san says:

Yeah.

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

you spastic

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

talk to my character!

Xin-san says:

How?

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

have you learnt anything from anyone about your class skills?

Xin-san says:

No.

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

TELL DZEIN whatever

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

well no wonder

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

you need to learn stuff

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

CLASS can someone help me please?

Xin-san says:

Lol I'm spastic, I can afford to noobie kick. I'll send that stupid hellcat flying.

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

HELP COMMONSENCE

Xin-san says:

Achaeans are really nice.

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

they're just normal people

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

you get the bad eggs like anywhere else

Xin-san says:

Er, is a tutor a player or an NPC?

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

both

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

either or actually

Xin-san says:

Okay! Righto, I shall now attempt to join a house.

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

you are a remarkably dense newbie, do you know that?

Xin-san says:

I am astounded by my own obfuscation.

Xin-san says:

I take a long time to learn anything, but when I learn it, I am God.

Xin-san says:

Er, does it matter what house I join?

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

it helps if they hold your own beliefs and values

Xin-san says:

How can you tell what values are these without reading the history of every single one?

Xin-san says:

Achaea is just all so big and scary! *whines*

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

HELP HOUSE

Xin-san says:

Ohh man, too much reading.

Xin-san says:

I can't take it anymore! *explodes*

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

gaaah, godame, i -like- helping newbies but you are really trying my patience

Xin-san says:

Lol I'll stop.

Xin-san says:

Seriously, I'm going to stop playing Achaea for a little while, before I die. I have many many other things to occupy myself with right now, and while it is indeed a splendiferous game, I'm currently too dense to play it.

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

how about, you THINK about something BEFORE you ask me?

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

and stop sounding like a COMPLETE idiot?

Xin-san says:

Yeah that sounds decent. But I'm pretty much a complete idiot. It's unlikely you'll find a bigger noob than me in the world. *sigh*

Xin-san says:

Don't worry, I won't bother you again.

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

it's alright, it's just the constant repetition

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

i have told you, five times now, how to TALK TO PEOPLE

Xin-san says:

I'm scared they'll consider me as incompetant as you do.

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

that's what the NEWBIE channel is for

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

it's so you don't have one person knowing how stupid you are

Xin-san says:

There's a "channel"?

Xin-san says:

Okay, I'm presuming this is a help channel. How do you enter it?

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

*sigh*

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

NEWBIE i'm a little lost

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

type it in and then press the ENTER button

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

it is on your keyboard

Xin-san says:

Oh! Cool!

Xin-san says:

Keyboard?

Xin-san says:

What is this keyboard you speak of? I use "Mouse Keyboard 1.01", where I click all the letters I need to type.

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

you know, what you use to type?

Xin-san says:

All right, got it. I'll just stop talking now.

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

sorry for treating you like a complete idiot but i don't have a very big tolerance for fools

Xin-san says:

*sigh* The truth hurts.

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

*hug*

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

sorry

Xin-san says:

*hug* Nah it's okay.

Xin-san says:

There is a quote I'd like to use:

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

oh?

Xin-san says:

"Better to keep your mouth shut and let everyone think you're an idiot than open your mouth and prove it."

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

yeah

Xin-san says:

Lol I typed all that before you typed "oh?"

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

'better to have the world think you're a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt'

some people have friends, some people have enemies, i just have randoms says:

lol

Xin-san says:

Lol hey I like yours better.

Yaay, double post day. hehe

'Merry Christmas'

I know it's a bit late...or early, but I wrote this on December 24, christmas just past.

Those two words
have forever altered their meaning,
for me.

Christmas is a time
for family, peace, hope, love;
Isn't it?

A time of joy
and a time of merry laughter,
Right?

Then why,
do tears course down my face
as I cry?

Why is the icy water
my only solace on this night
of joy?

My mother,
does not wish to see me
on Christmas.

My father,
will not get to see me
on Christmas.

My family,
will not know I exist
on Christmas.

'Merry Christmas'
Those words are not so joyous,
are they?

Christmas,
is not so merry
Is it?

So the tears
streaming down my face
are bitter;

Bitter
from two, little, goodwill words:
'Merry Christmas.'

Contradictions.

Don't you just love the way people, everyone, is part of a contradiction?

Whether you admit it or not, it's true. We're all part of the great big contradiction called 'life'. See, this is how I came to this idea, researching some Catholic dogma. Actually, I was researching Aboriginal belief systems, native Australians, not aboriginals that means indigenous.

Sidetracked....

Anyways, I came to this site, ad2000, a catholic site, as I found out after reading a couple of paragraphs. Take this one for a spin;

Indeed, 74% of Aborigines (who make up about 1.5% at most of Australia's population) now list Christianity as their religion. They recognise that their ancestral religion is incapable of reshaping Australian civilisation, and any appeal to its apparently simple virtues and beliefs, against Christianity, can only result in the falsification of its strengths and the continuing denigration of Christianity.

Um, what the hell happend to equality and tolerance hmm? 'falsification of its strengths', 'denigration of Christianity'? Yeah...that's -real- tolerant. Or this one;

Aboriginal religion and Christianity are fundamentally incompatible. The former is essentially tribal and animistic. It shares with other primal religions a belief in ever-present spirits which use natural objects as instruments to bring about good or evil. The spirit world is at work in human beings and nature alike. Particular geographical features, plants and animals are thought to have special powers to help or harm the tribe. Rituals are designed to express adoration or achieve propitiation of such mysterious and dangerous entities.

Right, tell me, anyone, how is that NOT degrading to the Aboriginal culture? But wait, it gets better!

The Christian doctrine of creation also clashes with the myths of the Dreaming in the archetypal figure "Adam", who, because he represents humanity as a whole, relativises the importance of the tribal ancestors, and every form of social exclusivism, in two ways. First, members of a particular tribe also belong to a universal clan which transcends their localised traditions. Second, the "sins" which disrupt tribal harmony are also acts in which they participate with all people in the brokenness of humanity and the universal refusal to obey the Creator.

The Christian doctrine of creation thus undermines the 'beginnings' myths of primal religion: it insists that God transcends the gods and ancestral spirits, both by a miraculous act of creative love and by the universal scope of His power; it places members of tribal groups in the company of all other people in the matter of sharing responsibility before God for the brokenness of humanity.


I think I'll just leave it there shall I? Does any more need to be said about why, and how, I dislike the whole idea of a religion? The Catholic one especially. No offence if any of you out there are good 'Godfearing' bible-bashers, but quite frankly, after reading that load of tripe, I don't have a whole lot of tolerance.

Here's the site, if you want to read it for yourselves.

http://www.ad2000.com.au/articles/1995/mar1995p10_848.html

We regret the rise of the Emo culture; Nazi Donald Duck!

First off, thise YouTube thing, it's awesome....and funny as XD I like it.



And second, the first part of the title....go the reversal. That was my topic for a debate last week, and I was on the negative team, thankfully. Which means I was arguing that we do NOT regret the rise of the emo culture.

I was the third speaker, so I had to rebutt the entirety of the oppositions argument and summarise my own teams. Here's my rebuttal...(that's basically pointing out and then negating everything they say)

• who defines the 'unhealthy' mindset, does the common public have psychology degrees?

This was a major point of theirs, stating that the 'emo' crowd had un unhealthy mindset and an unhealthy way of expressing themselves.

• Would they be 'against the world' if the world bothered to try and 'illuminate' their darkened room?

They put forward the point that all emo's are against the world, and the classic emo's depiction is them in a corner in a darkened room. We argued it was a cry for help, a cry that has been ridiculed and neglected, ignored. That it was far easier to ignore and 'other' the emo's, slap a lable on them, to get to the heart of the matter.

• So thinking and absorbed in their own observations is 'bad'? what about Einstein, Newton, Shakespear? Great thinkers of the world yet by your definition, they would be classed as 'emo'.
  
• Depression, sadness, is more common than society thinks. The emo culture is exposing it's very existance and for that, for revealing the 'truth' as such, the opposition is saying that we -regret- the truth. It's not pretty, but it's there.
• 'Positives' and 'negatives', what about the one you don't hear about? the one who's mother OD'd on ICE, crystal meth and has to raise their family while going to school? Do they not have a -right- to be 'emo'?
• We don't regret the self-expression, but the way it's expressed?

All my team is saying, ladies and gentlemen, is that how can you, me, society as a whole seem to regret something that it actively, if outwardly approves of that self-same society?
Evanescense, My Chemical Romance and their popularity is the proof you need of societies approval. If not approval OF the society then approval FOR it instead and it's popularity in iteself.
Every second or third person walking down the street seems to be wearing black, has numerous body peircings, are class as 'emo'. Ladies and gentlemen, a mode of self-expressionism is in the emo culture, the ability to express themselves and confront the world in a way that the teenagers of the past have never been allowed to do. And, if we remove, regret and DENY these 'emo's their self-expression, their individuality, say that they should conform to societies expectations, then we are turning from the democratic society we are SUPPOSED to be, and dare i say it? turning towards a communist one. A society where everyone is exactly the same.
and that, ladies and gentlemen, is NOT what we are. How can a society regret the music, their right to be an individual and the styles of dress? can society as a whole regret a society within itself that gives it variety. Can anyone for that matter, regret the right to be an individual? That, ladies and gentlemen, is the question I leave you with.


We lost, by the way. Because our first speaker was REALLY bad. like, REALLY.

Any comments?

Illness

उघ, ई हटे बीइंग सिक। इत'एस सो अन्नोयिंग यू क्नोव, तो हवे ठाट ....कोर्सेनेस्स इन योर थ्रोअत। ऊऊव, इस हिंदी! Oooooh, hindi script

Anyways, what I said was I hate being sick. You know that coarseness in your throat, the itch, the ache, the tingle that won't go away?

I'm -never- sick, yet I have a coarse throat, the headache, the general ickyness. I literally feel like death warmed over, and it hurts to swallow, to breathe, to drink...ugh I hate it. And to top it off, I've lost my voice, and I have to work tomorrow, and talk to idiot customers with a voice that is not there. *sighs*

Wonderful, fan-bloody-tastic.

Oh, and apologies for the non-recentness of my bloggings, I've either been busy or haven't been near a computer for long enough to blog, hence why the shortness of this one.

Update or something when I've got time and I'm not ...the sludgy thing you find at the bottom of a fishpond.

Figures

This morning, on the radio I hear a report on how this young lad, barely off his P-plates (that's his first probationary liscence if you don't have the same thing) stopped to pick up a woman and her child.

He was driving down the road, and this woman jumped out infront of his car, so he pulled over, her and her kid got in. He took them where they wanted to go, and when they got there, another group of women jumped him, and stole his car.

Figures eh? Help somebody and it blows up in your face. Like if you have a first aide certificate, common as nowadays, yet people drive past a crash rather than stopping and seeing if they can help, for the simple reason that one guy did it, kept the crash victim alive until the ambulance came, only to get SUED because he BROKE ONE RIB. He broke the guys' rib, so the guy sued him, and won too!

Another example, if someone is drowning and you pull them from the water but you're not a lifesaver (coast guard for the yanks), and they DIE, drown from the water in their lungs, YOU are held liable for their death from the moment you touch them, simply from trying to stop the poor moron from drowning. Figures eh?